How To Break Up With Your Partner

This blog is meant to be a general guide to planning your escape. It is not specific to one. It doesn’t have any addresses, phone numbers, or other information. This is meant to help you plan your escape in a general way. It doesn’t only happen in one state or country. Instead, it talks about choices and institutions that people worldwide have. You should “fill in the blanks” and find the appropriate shelters and organizations in your area.

Read this to find out about other choices and how to get help! Do not depart unprepared. Plan and carry out every part of your trip. Especially if your partner is violent, this is very important. Even if you don’t have much time, you should prepare a safety plan that includes how to sneak out of the house and what you should always carry with you. Here are some suggestions.

Before you leave, make copies of all essential documents and put them somewhere safe. These include identification cards, health care and social insurance or security cards, driver’s licenses or registration, credit cards and bank cards, additional personal identification (including photo ID), birth certificates, immunization cards for children, custody orders, personal checkbooks, last bank statements, and mortgage documents. Make a list of all passwords and access codes for computers (for instance, ATM PINs).

When you leave the house, take these copies and the following personal items with you: prescription medications, personal hygiene products, glasses or contact lenses, money (if you need to, borrow it from family, a neighbor, a coworker, or a friend), several changes of clothes (don’t forget your pajamas and underwear), heirlooms, jewelry, photo albums with pictures you want to keep, craft, needlework, hobbies.

If you run away with your kids, the situation will always be harder. In this case, make sure to bring all their medicines, pacifiers, bottles, favorite toy or blanket, and clothes (again: nightwear, underwear). Older kids may be able to carry their own clothes and schoolbooks.

You should compile a list of the following information and keep it on your person at all times: the addresses and phone numbers of domestic violence shelters, police stations, night courts, community social services, schools in the area, major media outlets, and the addresses, phone numbers, and fax numbers of your lawyer and his lawyers. You are the one who should “fill in the blanks” and locate the appropriate shelters and agencies in your area. Obtain a comprehensive map of the area’s public transportation network.

Applying to a shelter for a safe place to stay for the first few days and nights is your best bet. Domestic Violence Shelters is an excellent place to find out more about shelters. If you can afford it, you should hire a divorce lawyer and file for temporary custody as your next step. The papers for your divorce can be sent to you much later. Your first goal is to keep the kids safe and legally with you. Your husband is probably going to say that you took them away.

But getting away shouldn’t be the end of a long time of careful planning. I’ve already told you to make copies of all important papers (see above).
Don’t escape from your predicament penniless! Keep money hidden for an “Escape Fund.” Most likely, your husband will close your bank account and credit cards. Ask around to find a place to stay for the first week.
Will you be accepted by your family and friends? Apply to a shelter for victims of domestic violence and wait to hear back. Make sure you know where you want to go!

Make copies of your keys and important papers. Put these in “reserve troves” with some clothes and give them to friends and family. Put one of these “troves” in a safety deposit box and trust someone with the key.
Find a way to get away during the day or night. Set up codes and signals with friends and family, like “If I don’t call you by 10 p.m., something is wrong” or “If I call you and say Ron is home, call the police.”

You should stay at home until he leaves and then leave. Avoid confrontation regarding your departure. It could go wrong. Don’t tell him what you’re going to do. Make up reasons to get away in the days and months before you leave. Get him used to being without you.

Do not leave unprepared. Prepare ahead. Plan your escape well. Especially if your partner is violent. Make a Safety Plan – how to leave the house unnoticed and the indispensable minimum items you should carry with you, even on short notice. Here below are the recommendations.

Copy and store all documents before you leave. Identity cards, health care and social insurance cards, driver’s license/registration, credit cards, bank cards, other forms of personal identification (including picture ID), birth certificate, child immunization card, custody orders, personal chequebook, last bank statement, and mortgage papers are all examples.
Write down all of your passwords and access codes (ATM PINs).

When you leave the house, take these copies and the following personal items with you: prescription drugs, personal hygiene products, glasses or contact lenses, money (if you need to, borrow it from family, a neighbor, a coworker, or a friend), several changes of clothes (don’t forget your pajamas and underwear), heirlooms, jewelry, photo albums with pictures you want to keep, craft, needlework, hobby work.

If you attempt to flee the scene while still caring for your children, the circumstances will always be more difficult. In this situation, you should carry their prescribed medicines, pacifiers, bottles, a cherished toy or blanket, and any clothing they currently have (again: nightwear, underwear). Older children may be responsible for carrying their own schoolbooks and apparel. Keep a list of domestic violence shelters, police stations, night courts, community social services, nearby schools, and media outlets’ addresses and phone numbers on you at all times. Obtain a detailed map of the area covered by the public transportation network. You should be the one who “fills in the blanks” and locates the relevant organizations and shelters in your area because it is your responsibility to do so.

Obtain interim custody if you can afford a divorce attorney. The divorce papers can be served late. Your top priority is keeping the kids safe and legally with you. Your husband may say you kidnapped his kids. But your escape should be the culmination of months of planning.

I’ve already said to make copies of essential documents (see above).
Don’t flee penniless! Secretly save for an escape. Your husband may block your bank and credit accounts. Where can you stay the first week?
Your family or friends? Find your way! Submit an application to a domestic abuse shelter and wait.

Make duplicates of keys and documents. Share these “reserve troves” with family and friends. Place one “trove” in a safe deposit box and put your trust in the keyholder. Establish codes and signals with friends and family (“If I don’t call you by 10 p.m., something is wrong”). Get a ride for your escape. Wait until he’s gone before departing. Try not to leave a scene. It is not without risk. Please don’t tell him. Make excuses in the weeks and months leading up to your departure. Make him adjust to your absence.

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